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Calories & Macros Explained Sarcastically

in Less Than 20 Seconds

Straight up, if you’re a big motherfucker and don’t make it to the end of what I've written here... it’s literally the reason why you’ll have 6 Yorkshire puds on your dinner, compared to everyone else’s 2.

Here goes...

A calorie is simply a measurement of energy.

The food we eat contains calories.

Our Brain, Muscles, every Cell in our body, requires energy to operate.

So your body burns a certain amount of calories a day. Every one is different.

  • If you consume MORE calories from FOOD, than calories your body BURNS, you will literally transform into a Yorkshire fkn puddin.
  • If you consume LESS calories from FOOD, than calories your body BURNS, you will lose F@T.

If you’ve made it this far, well fking done

Okay so now Macros (which is short for MACRONUTRIENTS).

The calories you consume are made up of different food groups aye ?

Fish, Bread, Avocado, Cake, and all that sh!te etc.

Well these fkrs belong to their own mother fking categories:

  • Protein

Fish, Chicken, Dairy, Tofu, Eggs

  • Carbs

Bread, Pasta, Potatoes, Cookies

  • Fats

Avocado, Chocolate, Butter, Ice Cream

Those 3 right there ARE your Macros.

Protein, Carbs, Fat = Macros

That word ain’t so scary now is it ya fkn stress head.

Okay, I know this is longer than 20 seconds, but so f#%k, this is free content that could change your life.

When I learnt about all this shite I had to listen to hundreds of boring lectures from people with ZERO banter. So be fkn grateful I’m saving you from that trauma and you're lucky enough to be blessed with mine (haha fk me, whey aye!)

So we know calories in vs out dictate your body fat %, and we know the calories you consume are made up of Macros (food groups).

Did you fking know though.... that different macros have different calorie values?

  • 1g Protein = 4 calories
  • 1g Carbs = 4 calories
  • 1g F@T= 9 calories

That’s right motherfkrs, fat is more dense in calories.

That doesn’t mean eating fat makes you fat,

(Remember eating more CALORIES is what makes you fucking fat)

Just food like pizza, ice cream, and chocolate are high in grams of fat, so are the chances if you eat lots of high fat foods, it will likely put you into a caloric surplus .

Now if you still don't have a fkn clue what is going on don't worry, noone does haha.

Lets take a look at this image below. By the way.... F Y fkn I , I googled this and nabbed it off some fkr. So big shout to that legend :D

Right so as you can see, the red is protein, blue is carbs, and green is fats... Go and look at the foods first.

Those foods are HIGH in that macro. So...

  • Chicken is high in protein, low in fat and carbs.
  • Fruit is high in carbs, but low in fats and protein.
  • Avocado is high in fats, but low in carbs, and protein.

Now what we do in Team RH, is we set you X amount of calories.

Those calories are made up of specific macros. It may look something like:

  • 120g protein
  • 50G fat
  • 250g carbs

If we add these up above, by their multipliers that I mentioned earlier:

  • 120g protein x 4 = 480 calories
  • 50G fat x 9 - 450 calories
  • 250g carbs x 4 = 1000 calories

Total = 1930 calories

Ah you know what I'm gonna do a video, this is doing my fkn tits in.

I hope all this makes sense to you all. Don't ever give up okay, because I promise this is the KEY to your future happiness.