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HOW TO GET RID OF BLOAT

Bloated lady sat down pinching her fat.

HOW TO GET RID OF BLOAT


Okay I’ll try bang this out real fast because I know you lot can’t fkn bare learning new shit that will change your life.

Oh my god, why is the font so fucking big.



There are 3 types of bloating that you need to give a fuck about.

  • Constipation Bloating
  • Food Choice Bloating
  • Water Retention

Constipation


First thing you need to do is look at your water and fibre intake. Stop fkin moaning on and do something about it.

If you have a bunch of grapes hanging from your arsehole it’s because of not drinking enough water, and the food you eat. 

See this fella above, his fibre intake is shite, he drinks little water, and eats shitloads of processed food. He spends most of his time moaning to friends and family about how unfortunate he is, when in reality, it's all his own making.

And surprise, surprise, this blog is NOT about anyone suffering with conditions like Crohns etc, so if you're ready to rip into me, pause and think... ah, I'm not the only person following TeamRH, he's probably on about the other 99.9% of the page with shite food choices and not specifically me with this specific condition.

Big love to you guys having bad time though, just all I'm asking is you don't go back to your Crohns support group and slag me rotten like I was gunning for you guys. I'm sorry you're having a bad time, and I don't mean any disrespect to you or any others with medical conditions. EVER.

Back to this, so unless you want your arsehole to stop looking like a ripped out fireplace I’d suggest learning about insoluble and soluble fibre, and making sure you get the right ratio of both. If you’re on the life plan, we have in depth articles about this on our app. IF you have IBS then it's absolutely ESSENTIAL you learn about both types of fibre.

Think about it, the part that is extended is all your intestines. So if you're constipated, all that is basically full of shit.

Food choice bloating

Who here has a little food baby sometimes when they eat ? I certainly do. Well if you give a massive fuck about this (usually women if they’re wearing a tight-fitting dress)...

What you need to do is write a food diary.

Just write down the meal name, and put like a happy or miserable as fuck face next to it or write how it made you feel and look depending on whether you bloat out.


"What should the food diary look like?"

Like fkn hell, I don't know exactly what the bastard food diary should be like, it depends on the scenario. It's just basically something you understand that will make sense in a few weeks time.

Here is my example...

After a few weeks of tracking that, you can look back and hopefully be able to cross-reference.

Everyone is different.

I know for me that a bowl of oats always makes me look preggers. 

This goes without saying, but the volume of food you eat also has a huge role to play.

If you smash down a huge portion then you’re gonna look bloated 'til your body digests it, regardless of what food it is. So take that into consideration.

Water retention

Now, this is a big one, and it's a bit science'y. So I'll pop this video I did a few years back. Only thing I could add to it, is to make sure you get plenty of potassium in your diet from fruit and veg.

Now I've wrote all this as I've got back in from the gym, I'm knackered and I got bored about half way through because ...well... ADHD does that to you. So how about you go back to the Facebook post and like the shit out of it, and bang some fkn bollocks comment on pretending that you gave a fuck and this actually helped you.

And if you really want to blow my nipples of with kindness then share it to your timeline. All that shit really helps.

Notice how I've put those 3 important things in BOLD? Bold means serious as fuck.

Also can I just say, this bastard portal where I write the blogs from is fucked. The picture sizes are fkd, the fonts and shit are fkd. And I can't do fuck all about it 'til we hire in another front-end web dev.

The grammar though, is totally down to me. Really bad at it. Do I care? nahhhhhh, you can still fkn understand it. And I'm absolute fkn incredible at other things so it all balances out ey :D

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